I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
