The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
