I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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