Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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