I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
