Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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