I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
