I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
