Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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