Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
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