A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
