they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
