omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
