she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
