he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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