did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
