I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
