went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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