why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
