Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
