so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
