Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
