Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
