I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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