The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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