Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
