Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
