we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
