I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
