so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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