Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
