i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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