This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
