Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
