New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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