He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
be right there i have to get my cape
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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