Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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