We're facebook friends in real life
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
