her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
