i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
