when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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