i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
