one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
