why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
