His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
