I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
