i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
