Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
