I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
