well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
