Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
